By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
wow bdsm is so cute
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
