Can i not drive my cunt home
So gin and wine won't be happening again
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
