There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
