Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
