He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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