I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
