He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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