Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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