Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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