1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Who died my cat blue again?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
