dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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