just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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