i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
