Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
