Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
