I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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