i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
