Already got asked if we're dating
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
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dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
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Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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