This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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