I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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