we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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