apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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