I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
