I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
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