we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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