Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
is wine microwaveable?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
