Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
