No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
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