I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize