I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
