When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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