You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
