Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
vagina is talking i cant
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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