were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Randomize
