and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
