He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
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