Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i will never coherently bang her
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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