the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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