My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
