I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
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By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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