capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
40s are totally the cure
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
