Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
