In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize