New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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