and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
