The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'm like, not good at living.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
