I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
