Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
