please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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