i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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