I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
