my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
