I accidentally had phone sex last night
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
