i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
