I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
