Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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