I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
