I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
