and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
