Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
