you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
